Devon

I met my granddaughter, Devon, when she was ten and her little sister, Tyler, was five. Such darling girls! So sweet and precocious!

Jason was dating their mother, Kortnee. It was obvious that he was in love with Kortnee and her girls. They came as a package. I was delighted to have all three of them join our family.

I quickly noticed how smart Devon was. As a school social worker, I was around bright kids every day. But there was something extraordinary about Devon. 

She and I were talking one afternoon, soon after I met her. I said, “Devon, I can tell you are really smart. Do you know what you want to do after high school?”

“Yes, I’m going to Harvard. I’m going to be a lawyer.” She was in fifth grade! She didn’t come from a wealthy family. She didn’t have all the advantages that a lot of her classmates had. But she had a vision and determination that most kids don’t.

And then I said one of the dumbest things that ever came out of my mouth.

“That’s nice,” I said. “And what is your Plan B?”

Who says something like that?  A good grandmother would say, “What a wonderful goal, Sweetheart. I know you can do it!”

But I was a grandmother who had never, even once in my life, heard someone in my family say, “I’m going to Harvard.” 

Devon looked up at me, with her beautiful black eyes and blinked once.

“Oh, Grandma. There isn’t any Plan B.”

And there wasn’t. Devon had her eye on the prize when she was ten years old. Throughout school, she studied hard and took impossibly difficult classes. She declared her intentions and made them come true. 

Two years after I met her, when she was twelve, Devon met the principal of her future high school. She was at a party with his two daughters. When he came to pick up his girls, Devon met him in the hallway, shook his  hand and said, “Hi. I’m Devon. I’m going to be valedictorian when I come to your school.”

Can you imagine? Mr. Principal wrapped his arms around her and watched her in high school until she was, indeed, the valedictorian of her graduating class. 

But perhaps, my most memorable moments with Devon came when I chaperoned a trip to New York for Devon and thirty of her eighth-grade classmates. To be blunt, it was a nightmare. One of the worst experiences of my life. The students were spoiled and non-compliant. They spent most of their time on the telephone, calling friends and family in Denver. They were far more interested in shopping for clothes than in seeing the Statue of Liberty. 

But not Devon. She was a joy. She was excited to be in a city she had only read about. She wanted to see the Empire State Building. She asked great questions when we visited the United Nations. She stayed away from the telephone and did everything that was asked of her. I was proud to be her grandmother.

I will always be proud of Devon, my oldest grandchild. She graduated from Harvard and went on to study law at Columbia University in New York. In addition to securing great internships during the summer, working for a well-known, very prestigious law firm, Devon was chosen to be on the Wine Board. Devon knows more than me on every topic you can imagine, including wine.

After graduation, Devon moved to Los Angeles to work for the prestigious law firm. She was, as always, tremendously successful. But, after six years, she wasn’t happy. She left a high-paying job to become a federal public defender in Los Angeles. The work is hard. The clients are difficult. The successes are fewer. In true Devon fashion, she puts everything she has into every case. Her clients are lucky to have her in their lives. So am I.

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!

The Bus Musician

Often, as I am riding a bus through town, a musician comes on carrying a guitar. I find this to be true, no matter what part of Mexico I am in. I have seen bus musicians in Mazatlán, Bucerias, Sayulita, and Puerto Vallarta.

Usually the musician goes to the back of the bus and soon he starts to make music. Sometimes the music is simply wonderful but this is not always the case. After three or four songs, singing and playing his guitar, he walks up and down the aisle with his hand cupped by his side. The conductors tolerate, if not welcome, his behavior.

Most of the people on the bus give the musician a few pesos for the pleasure of having live music on the bus. They know this is how this man earns enough money to get through the day. I always give the musicians something. I know how hard it is to make music in front of people and I’ve never had to do it on a moving stage.  I make sure I look the musician in the eye and thank him for the songs as I give him what I have.

I clearly remember one old man who got on the bus with a tin can and a single drumstick. I was in Mazatlán, on my way to Walmart to buy a week’s worth of groceries. I didn’t realize the man was a musician at first. He just looked haggard and dirty to me. His long black hair hadn’t been washed in a long time. Neither had his clothes, his hands or his face, for that matter. It was impossible to tell how old he was, just that he seemed to have lived a long time.

Soon the man started to bang on the tin can with his drum stick, keeping time as he sang. I would like to write that the man had a great voice but he didn’t even have a good voice. He stared at the floor as he mumbled the words to his songs. When the musician finished, the passengers dug into their pockets for pesos, as usual. I gave him five pesos and a smile. 

And the musician came alive! His eyes twinkled. He gave me a huge smile in return, showing the dimple in his cheek. He stood up straighter and kept his eyes on me. He was flirting with me.

As hungry and dirty and down-on-his-luck as he was, this man still had the energy to flirt with a  gringa with grey hair, as she sat on a bumpy bus, mopping the sweat that was running off her face and soaking her t-shirt. Ah, Mexico!

Dorothy Hein

This week, April 8th, was the birthday of my mother-in-law, Dorothy Hein. She was born in 1910 and died in 2008. Through determination and sheer grit, she lived 98 years. She wanted to live longer. She wanted to outlive her classmate and dear friend, Marian Kelly. That would have made Dorothy the oldest living member of her eighth grade class. Alas, Marian lived to be 103. Dorothy is still not pleased.

Dorothy was hard-working, steady, kind, brave, joyful and, above all, funny. She was proud of being 100% Irish. Dorothy and her sister, Margaret, had a booth at Duffy’s Shamrock Tavern reserved just for them every St. Patrick’s Day. They got there early in the morning and stayed all day, wearing green from head to toe.

Dorothy and Margaret, the Gorman sisters, were a twosome. They loved to tell stories and laugh, to put on parties for every possible occasion. Dorothy’s happy place was her home ~ filled with the people she loved.  

Thanksgiving was Dorothy’s favorite holiday. Her table, set with her best china and wine glasses, stretched across two rooms. It included her family of six children, Margaret’s family of three more, their spouses and children, and often one or two drop-ins from the neighborhood. 

Dorothy’s next favorite holiday was her birthday. It was spring. The flowers in her beautiful backyard garden were blooming again. It was close to Easter. She made it through another year. There were lots of things to celebrate. Mostly, we came to celebrate her.

During this pandemic, I think of Dorothy. Tough times only made her stronger. Her father died in the influenza epidemic of 1918. Overnight her mother became a widow with two small girls to raise and no income. Dorothy, herself, was quarantined in Denver General Hospital with diphtheria when she was ten years old.  The terror of not being able to swallow and having to stay alone in the hospital for weeks never left her. And yet, somehow, she coped and she survived.

When she died, Dorothy had already lost her husband and dance partner, Bill, her sister and best friend, Margaret, and two sons, Mike and Tom. And yet, again she survived. She coped by remembering them with an empty seat at the Thanksgiving table, set with her best china and a glass of wine.

By the time she was in her late-nineties, most of her friends had already died. But Dorothy was determined to stay in her own home and live out her life on her own terms. She filled her house with imaginary friends ~ a tiny sheik who sat on top of her counter and talked to her and a houseful of children who ran up and down the stairs, making a lot of noise. Now her happy place was filled with memories of the people she loved. I am very grateful to have been a part of that.

This poem by Kathleen O’Mara, is making its way around the internet.  It reminds me of the life of sweet Dorothy Gorman Hein, who lived through many, very difficult times and always emerged stronger, more determined, and with her sense of humor still intact. May we all follow her example.

And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently.

And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal.

And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.

~ Kathleen O’Mara

Semana Santa

People in Mexico are beginning to understand the gravity of the Coronavirus outbreak.  Andrés Manuel López Obrador, Mexico’s president, has been reluctant to take a strong stand for fear it would hurt the country’s economy. This week he banned large events and non-essential government activities but didn’t provide details about what that would look like or how it would be enforced. 

Instead, AMLO launched a unique media campaign to motivate people to stay six-feet apart. The spokesperson, Susana Distancia, is a cartoon of a young, slim, white superhero wearing yellow tights and a pink blouse. She’s protected by a transparent bubble the width of her outstretched arms. Susana’s battle cry is “Quédate en casa,” or “stay home.” 

Susana has a lot of work ahead of her because next week is Semana Santa (Holy Week.)

Here is something nobody tells you: Semana Santa is a big deal. It is a bigger celebration than Carnavál. The population of Mazatlán doubles as people who live inland head to the coast.  Families come from far away to visit their relatives, party at the beach and fill every hotel room in the entire city.  This year Mazatlán’s mayor has ordered all hotels and beaches closed.

Stone Island, a peninsula across the bay from downtown Mazatlán, is an especially popular spot for visiting families. The beach stretches for miles. In past years, the beach was so crowded during Semana Santa that you couldn’t see the sand.

Although Semana Santa is the week before Easter, nothing about the week seems very holy. Only the old women are in church, earnestly praying for their wayward children. Their children, parents themselves now, are sitting in the sun, women in bikinis and men in shorts and tank tops, enjoying the beautiful warm weather.

I liked joining the Mexican families for the festivities. I liked watching the tourists ride the water taxies to Stone Island, carrying everything they might need for a day at the beach ~ mostly huge beach umbrellas to protect them from the sun and large coolers filled with Pacifico beer. One year I saw a father bring an plastic orange swimming pool so he could keep an eye on his water babies and not have to worry about them wandering into the ocean.

Beach vendors hustle to make money during Semana Santa. This man is selling balloons. All day long he walks up and down the beach, tempting children who are crazy with excitement. Along the way, he passes stands where people sell homemade candy, freshly gathered coconuts, gummy bears, pistachios, strawberries in whipped cream, cold sodas and fresh, hot tortillas. 

There are, of course, other beach vendors who walk the same route selling blouses and skirts, silver jewelry, carved wood statues, beautiful beaded rosaries, henna tattoos, hair-braiding, homemade doughnuts, and tiny turtles made from coconut shells. 

Semana Santa feels like the Minnesota State Fair, except there are almost no blond, blue-eyed people anywhere. Most of the Americans who live in Mazatlán stay home or leave town for the week. The beaches are too crowded for them. 

Maybe they are merely answering the prayers of the old women on their knees in church, praying that the gringos will stay away and let their families party in peace.